Struggles of My Single Season

I was invited for a corporate dinner. This was my first ever corporate dinner organized by my firm. Immediately it was announced, it stole my peace. My heart beats increased more than normal. Oh my God what was I going to wear? What kind of guys will be there? I am single and ready to mingle. This may just be my best shot to meet a dollar loaded gentleman who works for another company or another firm. I have just one chance to impress. And all thoughts kept coming through my mind. For one month I moved from store to store, looking for the appropriate dress for that event but seemed to find none. Finally I got one. The day came, I fitted into the dress and I looked amazing. Got to the dinner, there were cute guys but all of them seemed married. The few I could spot without marriage rings on their fingers were busy talking to my bosses. I tried to get involved in the conversations but they just seemed not to notice me. After the dinner, I got home perplexed. After one month preparation for this dinner, not a single compliment from anyone. OK. Let’s say that’s not where “The One” was.

I said to myself I am a christian so I should not be expecting to meet my Mr. Right at secular events. So I consoled myself and decided to get more involved in the church. I have been singing in a choir. But its more like when I feel like it. I did not have the commitment. So I thought maybe if I get committed in serving actively in my department, I will be noticed by a “HOLY GHOST FILLED AND DOLLAR LOADED” brother in the Lord. So there I was actively serving. Every guy who just gives me a genuine “sister in-Christ” compliment. My mind just goes into scrutinizing everything about him to know if he is my type. Its been over a year that I decided to be actively serving in church and my “Knight in Shining Armor” is not here yet. So what am I doing wrong? 

The worst just happened. My office just established a branch in Dubai and they are considering sending a few staff to work there to bring it up to standard with a salary raise of course. My name is the 2nd on the list. When this announcement was made, I felt so bad because I have always desired to marry an African, especially someone from my country. Now sending me out of Africa is just something I did not see coming. Where will I meet my tall, dark and handsome (TDH) knight? How do I cope in that country?  Who will see me there. Should I resign from my job and find a new job? What should I do? Gosh I am not getting it. My mind is not at peace. What if after making more money I can’t find a man who loves me for me? He may just be after my money and seeing that I am approaching 30. No man may marry a career woman, even forgetting the fact that I try to exercise the virtues of my Christian faith like humility, patience, joy, peace, forgiveness, etc.

I end up being depressed and I keep asking God why did you say in your word that we should place our delight in you and you will grant the desires of our hearts? (Psalms 37:4). Have I not been a faithful Christian all these years, added to that I am a virgin. Meaning I have been preserving myself and offering my body as a living sacrifice. What have I not done? Why am I still single? I don’t even have a boy friend. I have feel most times like I am incomplete without a man.

All these thoughts and events in my life just took away my joy. But one day, during my morning meditation, I had these scriptures imprinted in my heart :

2 Corinthians 2:9-10 “For in Christ all the fullness of the deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ.”

Galatians 1:10 “Am I now trying to win approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Matthew 6:33 “seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteous and all these things shall be added unto you.”

These words sank deep in my thoughts as I meditated over them. Then I remembered a book I once read and it said “incompleteness is not a result of being single, but of not being full of Christ. ” I realised that all along, I have not found my knight because I have not been complete in God my creator, to discover why He even created me. The fact that I am making enough money in my job does not mean I am fulfilling my assignment on earth. I read the story of Adam and Eve and I saw that before Eve was brought to Adam, she was in the presence of God. Because she was with God,  she knew her assignment was to be a help mate to Adam. So God brought her to Adam, got Adam out of sleep and opened his eyes to see his wife right there. (Genesis 2:20-25).

So my decision is to quit being insecure and find the purpose for which I was created. For it is in my purpose with God that I am complete. When I fully understand my purpose by seeking God with my whole heart, then fulfilling his promise is inevitable (every other thing, even the husband I desire will be added unto me).

Does this experience sound like you? Or can you relate to any one of the scenarios above? Are you seeking validation, compliments/completeness in men? Join us this season as we share our single hood experiences and encourage each other. We’ll also get wisdom from our married sisters/brothers and we’ll encourage each other. 

Stay tuned,

Stay Blessed.