I am a Savior and not a Slave to my Peers

As a young girl, and even up to my University days, I faced the challenge of always trying to please my friends. What mattered to me more was not to instill virtues into them, but rather uphold my virtues to an extend and compromise some of them in order to please friendship. I cared more about what other people thought of me. If they will say I am a reliable friend or not. I never voiced my opinions on so many subjects but will rather hide or give flimsy excuses, not to indulge in things that did not agree with my principles. Did all of these help me? Yes it did because I pleased my conscience. But was I really a good friend? No because I was a slave to my peers and could not add value to many lives I came in contact with.

Many young women face these challenges especially during our adolescent years. We give in to peer pressure and do things we know we do not want to do. Or even if we do not do those things, in order to avoid having a “nick-name” we give excuses not to be a member of the crew at a particular place and time. This is what I call “Peer Slavery”. You were actually created to be a savior to your peers and not a slave. Here are a few things to enable us break out of “Peer Slavery”.

Choose your friends wisely:

The first step to breaking peer slavery is to choose wisely. Dear sister, its not every pretty, fashionable or calm girl who should be your friend. Many of us get carried away by the niceness of people especially when we enroll in a new school, job, church or wherever. Because she helped you out on the first day does not necessarily mean she has this great attitude of helping people and become your friend. It is always said that first impression matters a lot but in real life, you will all bear with me that we always have 2^nd thoughts in mind when we are about to hang out with someone as a friend. Its always that thought of “see how she is dressed. This one must be from a rich family” or “what kind of hair style is that?” or “see how simple she is”. But many times we ignore what that inner man is saying to you and hangout in the name of fun. If you have 2^nd thoughts about somebody after a few days or weeks of being in that company, then you need to redirect your steps.

“Do not be misled;Bad company corrupts good character.” 1Cor 15:33.

Have your own principles and virtues to uphold:

Its often said that you cannot give out what you do not have. If you want to keep friends who are women of integrity, you should also be a woman of integrity. You need to know who you are and what you stand for, in order to know the kind of friends you are looking for. Once you have your laid down principles, then you can determine who should be your friend or not. Even if you find someone whose purpose or principles does not align with yours, you can have a positive impact on that person because of your virtues.

“As Iron Sharpens Iron, so a Friend Sharpens another.” Proverbs 17:27.

Censor your conversations:

Its good to get into conversations with your friends on topics in all areas of life in order to discover their visions, and views of life. However, it becomes a problem when all you engage in is “chit chat” about men, clothes, shoes, gossip about others and worst of all obscene talk. A woman of integrity should be able to censor her conversations. Conversations in friendships should build each other up, adding value to life. You will notice that when you censor your conversations (what you talk about or what you listen to) the bad friends will never like to talk about certain topics when you are around and it gives you a firm ground to tell them about their wrong deeds or negative aspects.

“For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he (she). Eat and drink! He says to you, But his heart is not with you.” Proverbs 23:7

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” Philippians 4:8.

Learn to be firm on your Decisions:

Be bold enough to say No or Yes. Many of us face this problem. We do not know where we stand because we want to please friendship. We either accept everything or are stuck with the word NO. Its difficult for this word to leave your mouth. So we tell lies and give excuses not to be part of something. If you can’t say no in something as basic as friendship, then it may affect other areas of your life, especially professionally, in making sound decisions for a company, firm, or wherever you work and even in your marital home. Its good to practice it now. What makes you a woman of integrity is your ability to make firm decisions and stand by them. Let people be able to predict you because of the standards you have set for yourself. They know if they tell you this, you will refuse so they with either not tell you or try very hard to convince you. With this attitude, you can never be a slave to your peers.

“But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne, or by the earth, for it is his footstool…And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” Matthew 5:34-37

Build a solid relationship with God and rely on Him:

Yessss!!! It always goes back to one main point. God is the ultimate. He made you, he knows you more than you know yourself, he knows the people whom you will be friends with even before you ever meet them. However, we need his guidance to make right decisions not just in friendship but all areas of life. If you can trust him with little things as choosing friends then you can trust him with all other areas of your life. Always ask God to direct your path to the right people who will build you up and not tear you down. God loves you too much to let you go astray.

“Guide my steps by your word, so I will not be overcome by evil”. Psalms 119:133

Building a solid relationship with God and allowing the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Love,Joy, Peace, kindness, gentleness, humility, self-control) manifest in you will most importantly make you a woman with an exemplary character. Your character should lead your friends in the right path and safe them from acts of sin. You were created to be a savior and not a slave to your peers.