WHICH IS WORST; LOW SELF-ESTEEM OR LOW SELF-CONFIDENCE?

Welcome back, beautiful people! We are going deeper into the topic of self-esteem. If you have not read the previous two articles, be sure to go back and enjoy.

Let’s start off today with this experience I shared with a friend. My long-time friend who will be referred to in this article as Chris is an amazing, inspirational person. As CEO of a company he built from its conception till its current success, he is multi-talented and seems to excel at everything he decides to do. You know that friend who just takes over the room at a party? Yeah, that is Chris. He exudes that sort of confidence that you know you can trust talk less of the numerous ladies vieing for his affections. So, I asked him if he was thinking about finding a wife and settling down given that it seemed like he had figured out the things in his life. His response was far from what I expected. He said, “Honestly, I feel like a failure and I feel I will never do enough to please his family and peers.” He said he was not sure he could commit to marriage either. I realized at this point that he had a low self-esteem and his outer charm was a mask he wore. I wondered why someone so wonderful and special would wrestle with such pointless thoughts and worries. If you can relate to any of this, then I am wondering the same about you, my dear reader.
In my opinion, self-esteem is one of those things we think we know a lot about, probably because a lot has been said and written about it. But sometimes we do not consider what it really means to have or lose self-esteem.

SELF-ESTEEM
Self-esteem is how you feel and what you believe about yourself. It is how much positive regard and self-love you have.
Right now you might be thinking, well, I love myself, of course, I do. Self-love is an almost involuntary feeling shaped by your life’s experiences, situations, relationships, and environment. This includes both the really tough times ,embarrassing moments, heart breaks  and the great times and happy days in your life, which  in one way or another have shaped your self-esteem. They might have boosted or diminished your self-esteem. My sister Kiki once asked me ‘Where and when is the line between self-esteem and self-confidence to be drawn?’ Indeed, we use these two interchangeably but they mean different things.

SELF-CONFIDENCE
Self-Confidence is how you feel about your abilities or trusting yourself and your abilities to accomplish specific tasks and challenges. This confidence in yourself is built through practice and experience.
My friend Chris seems to have  a very healthy and well-developed sense of self-confidence because of all the experiences he has had through the tasks he has taken up but he has low self-esteem which shows in the way he feels about himself. If you take a minute, I am sure you can identify some people in your life who are like Chris or may seem to have high self-confidence but low self-esteem. So many people face this problem daily.

HOW CAN YOU IDENTIFY SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES?
• Your emotions are close to the surface; you get sad, angry, tearful, lonely, etc. rather frequently;
• You feel like you hate yourself and all the ways you are not like other people;
• You take other people’s views about you too seriously;
• You care too much about showing off material possessions and accolades;
• You feel like nobody understands you;
These are a few red flags pointing towards problems with your self-esteem;

• FACT: Everyone will go through some period of low self-esteem in their lifetime.
What is important is how you emerge from that period and this depends entirely on how you handle the situation.

• MEMORY FORMULA
Acknowledge = Confidence
Acceptance= Self esteem

BOOSTING YOUR SELF ESTEEM
I think there are many wonderful ways we can boost our self-esteem but it is important for us to understand that the foundation for this is best laid with God.
“Before I formed you in the womb i knew you…” (Jeremiah 1:5).
God made you. That’s all there is to it. His work is love personified and He made you. Thus we are made perfect in our imperfections through Jesus Christ. He saw  every single detail that resulted in you being who you are. So first off my dear reader, you are beautifully made! Our God who knows all our thoughts and actions and understands how our environments and experiences can affect us. So, through his word, he gives us the guidelines we need to maintain healthy self-esteem.
It is simply; Love. Be it for Him or for your neighbor or yourself (Matthew 22:37).
When we give out love, we teach ourselves and each singular act in this direction affects how you feel and also  your self-esteem. Love can be portrayed in so many ways. If your value and identity are rooted in God, you will come to realize that you have been made a new person in Christ, a new person, with a new mind and heart. Thus no experience or other person should make you feel less than what you are which is beautifully and wonderfully made.

We are not worthy in ourselves but with and in God we are made worthy and this gives us the confidence to face all our tribulations and step out unscathed with belief in ourselves. This belief translates to high self-esteem. The wonderful thing about how a healthy self-esteem is that as a Christian, you  develop the confidence to use the gifts instilled in you by the Holy Spirit. It all is one big circle.
In the next editions, we will talk about more practical ways through which you can develop your self-esteem. Meanwhile, you can start by writing a letter to your future self today. Tell yourself all the ways you hope to get better. Fold it up and keep it well. You will revisit the letter in a few years.
I hope this activity turns out to be fun for you! Please, do share your self-esteem stories or struggles with us in the comment section or email us directly. We will love to hear from you.

Thank you and remain blessed!