Childhood wounds-Dealing with Brokenness

In our last write-up, we identified Lust and other sexual sins as the reason why many people, especially Christians live in brokenness. If you haven’t read it yet, please go back and read it (http://arisesister.com/index.php/2023/06/20/brokenness-thrives-dark/ ). That was one example of how brokenness thrives in the dark. Another concrete reason for people living in brokenness is the wounds from their childhood or wounds from their past.

There are many people who faced rejection while growing up. Possibly you are that person whose parents always beat each time your siblings committed crimes, they laid insults and even cursed you that you won’t go anywhere in life. As a result, every time you feel like you want to achieve something, those words and bad memories keep flashing in your mind and you live in low self-esteem. A story is told of a prisoner who met another very successful man and asked the secret of his success. The man told the prisoner that when he was young, his father always told him from the little things he did that if he continued as such, he will be a very successful man. This encouraged him to keep doing the little things he did and even when he made errors, his father scolded him and told him if he continued in those errors, he will not be as successful as he wanted to be. Those words encouraged him to be where he is today. The prisoner on his part told the man that as for him, even the little things he tried to do right, his father always condemned him and said if he continued like that he will end up in prison and today he is an ex-convict, still unable to integrate into the society.

The above just presents a single scenario. Another case is for some people who had probably lost their parents and grew up with relatives. Many at times, these relatives think they are helping you because they clothe you and house you which of course is help but in many ways they cause you pain. For example you lived at the mercy of others in that house. That is you ate only when the others had eaten, wake up before them to fetch water amongst others. In most cases, these people end up becoming very successful because that seed of hard work had been sown in them from childhood. They even buy gifts for their adopted parents and take care of the siblings they grew up with because they are Christians and according to them, that’s a sign of forgiveness and living in peace. Unfortunately, the bitterness inside comes up when someone may make a simple comment at  their job side to them that suddenly brings an outburst out of a small situation which the comment did not intend to spark. The result of this is that you don’t trust people easily and tend to second guess everyone, thinking they have some selfish interest in what they do for you. People who live in this kind of bitterness hardly want to remember their childhood because it takes them to tears and they spend their lives trying to proof a point to everyone knowingly or unknowingly. It’s always about “see who I am today”. This causes problems in all their relationships either in courtship, marriage or employment.

Dear reader, all the examples above are not intended to chastise you but to point out this cause of brokenness so that you can deal with it and move on to become all that God had ordained you to be from creation.

Dealing with the wounds.

1. The first way to deal with these wounds is to visit your past. This begins with going to God in prayers and asking him to show you the things you are dealing with that you don’t know are negatively affecting your life. As you sincerely ask God in a quiet time of prayer, most often what happens is that a flash of the things you went through in the past comes to your mind and you feel so hurt inside. When that occurs, don’t shut it down. Allow yourself to re-live the experience in your mind and cry out all you want to.

2. The next step is to ask God to help you forgive the people who did this to you for the sake of the love of Christ and for the sake of moving forward. Ask that God’s peace will reign in your heart over the hurt so that even if you think about it, it won’t hurt again. Make sure to visit some scriptures that talk about Christ’s love and forgiveness. For example Romans 5:8, 1 John 1:9, John 20:21, Luke 23:34 and many more.

3. Thirdly, intentionally call the names of all those people that come up in your mind who hurt you when you were young and release forgiveness. Again, ask for the peace of God to reign in your heart. For Example, say “John Kilimanjaro, I forgive you for the times that you made me feel like a stranger in my father’s house. Uncle Matthew, I forgive you for the times you beat me because I did not make breakfast for your children. Or Quennet I forgive you for the times you called me a gold digger which has made me to be in battle with myself to proof to everyone that I am not.”

4. Finally, ask God to reveal your identity. That is, to tell you who you are and how He sees you so that you can see yourself from His perspective. He should tell you the pet name He has for you and the innermost things He knows about you that you cannot imagine. These are called “IDENTITY WORDS”. As you meditatively ask Him these questions, He will speak in ways you least expect. Sometimes, you can think its just your mind speaking when you start hearing words in your mind  like “blessed, favored, man of honor, mother of nations, lover of all, healer, mother, father, care-giver, etc”. All these are identity words. Do not ignore any one of them even if it sounds crazy because one of the ways God speaks to us is through His spirit which testifies with our spirits. (Romans 8:16). You should write down the words as they pop up in your mind and meditate over them. As you meditate on these words, you will get more clarity on how they resonate with you. Ask God to fill your heart with his love. (Ephesians 3:18-21. You can use this scripture as you pray for more clarity).

With these practical steps, I am standing in prayers with you that God will take you out of bitterness and show you the riches of his love so that you can outgrow the past hurts and experience all He has for you.

If you want to go deeper in dealing with these issues on brokenness, I will recommend you read the following books:

1. The Father heart of God by Flyod McClung Jr.
2. Winning the war within by Kris Vallotton.
3. Healing the Orphan Spirit by Leif Hetland.